Last week I could feel odd sensations in my left ear.  I also found wetness and it did raise some curiosity to understand the reason of such an episode.  I did mention to my husband to remind me that I would need to read up on ear issues but forgot later as I got caught up on my daily commitments and weekend.
So last Sunday at my friend’s place we were having our menij and I was behaving slightly absent. Oddly but naturally my left palm was always stuck on my left ear providing some cushioning comfort.
I do have high pain tolerance and hence find it difficult to ring a red alarm to myself that its time for medical attention so subtly said yes there is some pain..I dont feel myself when my friends noticed all this and asked me if I was having any issues.
They made me realise that I need to see a doctor soon as my discomfort was obviously visible.

Next early morning Hussain was leaving for India and we had packing commitments etc..so I was on my own the following day.
So the following day I booked myself an emergency appointment with the local GP and that consultation ended up with the conclusion that I had contracted bacterial ear infection also there was a lot of wetness in my left ear.
Antibiotics + Otomize ear spray + anti-inflammatory ( all 3 times a day) for 4-5 days should sort me out. Happy Masuma atleast the treatment will begin.
Started all the same day. With every puff in the ear the pain intensified and the muffled feeling worsened. Patience I told myself,  give time to the antibiotics.
I had to WFH, very thankful to people at work for their kindness, understanding and words of care.

Second day – the discomfort and pain magnified. WFH again.
Patience I told myself, let the antibiotics kick although it did play its effects on getting the stomach rumble, but still it did not knock on my ear.

Third day -WFH again. I should had felt a bit better, it has not happened. I stopped the ear spray because that was just adding to my misery.
I had to go back to the GP to say something is not correct as its not working there should had been some improvement on the contrary my state has worsened 10 times from the start of the medicine. I won myself an emergency appointment after a strong argument over the call and I was seen again.
To my dissappointment it was another doctor not the same GP that I had seen earlier, but anyway I told her that my condition has worsened and the ear spray is worsening it.
I told her should I stop the earspray, the doctor said if its troubling then stop but then I said it is for treating right so actually it should help me heal, so is stopping it delaying my healing? she could not answer that. So why is my condition not improving whats the window for the meds to start kicking in..she said 48 hours, to which I said then today effectively I should feel the difference..yea she said check how u feel today continue the course. I still said what if there is no difference even today then? she prescribed to me an alternative antibiotic if the first one failed. Patience I told to myself. And I thought to myself let me finish today and see how it goes. Damn my entire left side was in pain..I was attending meetings without concentration, I was just not myself.
Third day I started looking for home remedies.
1: ate raw garlic
2: did hot rice sock compress
3: hot water bottle compress
4: regular steam
5: no diary food

I had to follow my gut, booked myself an appointment with an ENT surgeon, who instantly on my elaboration understood that the meds would not work as his suspicion was that it was a fungal infection. That was indeed true, he removed all the infected debris and showed me the aggressive fungal build up. The relief was magical, that throbbing pain gone and locked left side was released. He said none of these medicines would have worked and it had only added to my misery.

anti fungal ear drops and regular debris cleaning until the infection has cleared is my treatment now.

Over these 3 days I had connections from a lot of friends/colleagues on chat or talk and they advised me with their experiences. People are tolerant, have empathy and they care. That has pleased me a lot, made me love life more.

Although if it was someone else who was not able to see a specialist it would had meant a lot of pain and maybe some permanent damage.

 

I come back to this question every now and then.

It is indeed very difficult to get the answer that would bang on lighten up my eyes.

No one can ever answer this for anyone.

One does feel alone, but the truth is everyone is connected and fused.

Later after I wrote the above feelings – I came across this https://www.one-mind-one-energy.com/

🙂

 

 

 

I tried this https://www.smule.com/recording/lucky-ali-aa-bhi-jaa/1417644197_1712116500

Wish I can sing with him.

It was may be a miss in my head but I had zoned out of my weekly routine of tuesday evenings when it is a swimming run for my elder 8 year old. I reached home and barely had 5 minutes to realise this and get up rushing all prepared with the swimming gear.

In those 5 minutes to coax the little one to not join us along as she just survived a very bad viral flu…it did feel like a stretch of words at first but soon a candy = home bath did make her cooperate..so she the little one in her tiny costume satisfies her dives in the bath tub..where as we zoom out in my nissan.

I reach the fitness centre to see a queue..hmm well maybe its better if my daughter  heads to the pool by herself as its almost time for her lesson meanwhile I find a parking. I did hesitate leaving her to manage her way to the centre and to the lesson, I did have a thought what if she is taken by someone, what if she is not allowed to the centre alone, how will she get her way through, all these thoughts flashed but it did not occur at all that I will not be back soon. So I let her rush.

In the next 5 minutes I am circling and parents flooded with school children rushing, walking, noises etc..and I realise there is a school event and the parking is full and there are long queues because …oh my god..I get out..look for a parking in nearby streets..no luck…I do get in a lane and damn this was jammed as everyone is trying to squish their cars in cramp spaces blocking the traffic.

Now all those thoughts are over powering. I still push them behind, I still keep positive and after that I made a call to my husband..he was at work and in meetings..he said to have assurance just park anywhere, park in disabled and rush to the pool if are worried.

I realised his guidance will not really help me. So I did a couple of things in my head. Stop worrying first.

Got patient, got positive, developed trust in my child, developed trust in the people around.

When I moved out of that jam..I got back to the centre circled around still no free spot..got out called a swimming mum who lived like at a 10 mins walking distance and said I will be parking my car on her driveway as my last option and she was like anytime….and it seemed like the only option as the time was ticking it was already approaching pick up time..again do I have the time to walk/run before my child gets the worry attack or teary eyes.

I risked getting in one of the bylanes and parked at the dead end. Although right behind was a Mercedes Van waiting for me to clear up so he could get it into his driveway.. Oh my Lord sorted this so that he can happily get in and then I excused myself for blocking his driveway for just 10 minutes and he was absolutely a gentleman !

I ran ran ran to the pool..I saw her bag hanging over the locker, her clothes folded and kept and reached the collection point, she just finished her lesson wanted to have a free swim for a while which I denied, I just wanted to hug her.

We happily came back..and I dont know what happened to me I just told her one thing.

Listen girl, if anything happens to ur mum and she is not around just respect yourself, respect everything about your self and that means you will take very good care of yourself!

I realised most of the time I remained calm and did not panic. It did bring my strength to me.

I wanted to not forget this day and hence I just had to put this down.

http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/visualizations/left-vs-right-world/

I came across this and woah what a quick perspective for a parent to retrospect and straighten few thoughtless habits having influence that would stamp a version of your child.

I attended the preaching today to grieve the loss that we suffered many years ago. To fill up my thoughts with pain and suffering of the ultimate sacrifice.

Despite being very soft hearted I have always found it difficult to shed tears and feel the grief when the recitation gets gruesome, maybe I lack imagination to visualise human emotions effectively when the historical events are stated in a repetitive fashion which is direct too.

Chest beating / self flagellation during these days alongwith marsiyas gets me in a trance. Its to do with the rhythm and the words, it spins a melody in my head that is full of love. Love is best expressed when it suffers tragedy.

It gets me intimately attentive and captured only when the narrative is poetic or deeply philosophical, that loves or wounds deeper which also shows.

Imaam Hussain’s sacrifices and the sufferings of the Ahlebait I do find them really colossal,  reliving this every year surely is the only way to carry him along with us into our future and let his humbleness influence us. Definitely support remembering the great sacrifices and performing respectable mourning.

 

Its does confuse me everytime on my participation, not sure what does that.  Going with the flow and shutting down that rational critic. Overwhelmed with emotions listening to this.

These 10 days definitely does make me a better person.