The bottom line is: They are wonderful teachers!

They can be found in others too, beyond your father,
your friend
your brother
your grandfather
your teacher
your uncle
….

I will always carry my grandfather in me!
He stays beautiful and living very well,
enjoying his extended after life through me!

Celebrate/Appreciate them, my grandfather went unexpectedly. I never got a chance to celebrate him and I miss that.

Not everyone is lucky to have a present/active father during growing years, maybe there is some value in that.

when I die

I will still have my Notebook living for a while 🙂

 

 

This overwhelmes. It connects me to this very deep sense as though my soul is searching to feel home, as though I would like to pass away.

 

Whenever I listen to an instrumental it does something to me, I get overwhelmed and tears naturally flow, I totally get welled up!

It does something to me.

Sometimes I think it’s morally right to be domesticated but my heart always chooses to remain wild.

There had to be this in my life, it was chosen,

so I can feel all the dreamy tales, wherever I explore!

Saturday

Sunday

Monday

few joys-

There is something I am really very happy about today, Amreen was to get an award at school during the assembly and I had assumed it was for maths because we have seen her doing very well there but surprisingly she was awarded for her reading and that feels very very special, because I do reading with her and oh god I behave like a tiger mother and always underestimate her! So pleased.

One of my closest friend sees a positive route in her life.

The mug and the super expensive watch is gifted to me by my nanny, now I am flattered by her generosity and the honour she has placed me with.

Amreen cooking bed tea, damn good, for me!!

But when I go down to check out she cooked it in pressure cooker. Hahaha!

she penned a rhyme for me and she reached gymnastics level 2.

My girls thoughtfulness to give me flowers of my favourite colours yellow and purple

Hussain took me kayaking in city lights in river Thames at twilight, that was super memorable … it was fun+humour+tiffs as we kept changing the direction. The twilight was gorgeous.

Lunch at sushi samba, highest views!

Timeout with menij friends

Few friends called, few unexpected calls and few naughty ones disturbed my sleep including my naughty mum! And so many messages filled up my soul with good wishes.wow!

My colleague Imal announced my birthday to office colleagues on slack channel and there wishes flooded, then we went out for lunch at ginger and root, this cafe has very beautiful interiors – I always admired it on my way to and fro office, as always in hurry never stepped in. This day got special.

My new super powerful laptop arrived, 128gb RAM, hahaha I feel like I am sitting in an aeroplane .

Initiated working on my dream with positive passion, on a lookout for my co-partner, will happen.

Yay! Need I be 36 ofcourse I do.

Chewing Gum

Last year there was a Ketone Diet or some self deduced diet phase I was trapped in!
I was happy very happy to have low reliance on tasty rich Indian food
Indulging in all healthy food was enormously grand for my head and heart.
But the mouth needed to be fooled.
So chewing gum addiction happened.
That sustained a successful diet discipline, the chewing fooling was tirelessly working.
And as we all have experienced this -> anything in excess is direct flight into unbalanced and unhealthy.

So there I wouldnt be in a “darling-mode” eternally is what I realised, you know, something happened.

One day after I returned home from work, I was terribly hungry, terribly hungry.
I looked at a banana.
I went for it.
I took a bite and …….
There was a cutting feeling in my ear, so painful that I shrieked.
It felt unbelievable, immediately my dialogue to God, why? why?
My mum in law was around me she instantly showed her empathy…but she did not know what had happened.
Generally she is my knowledge pot filled with wisdom and solutions, but this thing was new to her too.
I went for a second bite, there went another cut. Oh MY GOD, why again my ear!

Did not eat or speak that evening as it was an overwhelming experience, I was startled.
I kept echoing why does my ear gets to go throught all the miseries, why cant it be left alone.
Certainly I am doing something wrong.
I had to find what was this, so I tried to describe it to google and eventually it brought me to
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporomandibular_joint_dysfunction

So chewing gum has declined in my life.

And no more cutting feeling, it was temporary but scary. Be careful with excess!

This was an excellent first networking event I went to solo. I realised my own potential and my self belief in my idea has strengthened.

Thanks to Krish subramanian, he was inspiring, his journey and more importantly his humbleness.

O good nature I call out to you, lead me to my business partner, lead me to the right people who resonate with my idea and values with the talents to compensate me.

I thank for this opportunity to get the right exposure at the right time.

I went grocery shopping to Indian groceries at Quality Foods Hayes and alone. I amazed myself by going beserk buying as many vegetables and fruits as I could, the cook in me was thrilled and the health conscious foodie in me was unbelted.

Almost 2 hours in my riot of grabs, I was almost done and then I thought let me go buy some bittergourd too. So I hopped quick leaving my shopping trolly in a corner and I was back to the greens and as I was going through the lot to select a few, a lady next to me coughed and then she said “I am sorry”, I casually said “Oh seems like you are unwell”…and then it began.

She said she had a big brawl with her brother, feels very choked. And I asked her if she is feeling fine…and her story began, she was looking for someone to spill out everything that she was holding in her heart, maybe a stranger like me…and I took interest.

It was a 20 minute of talk and in that her life view summarised to me.

She is not married and is 60+, retired, worked all her life, has her own home, has an ongoing pension that supports her, lost her parents recently, has an abusive brother. She told me about her achievements, her troubles and her worries!

I patiently heard, I gave my bits in between and then at the end I told her..take care of yourself, she looked dressed well and tidied..so I told her seems like you do take care of yourself, continue to do so…travel..you may have travelled a lot, you may want to travel for a purpose…for volunteering, for helping kids across the globe…give them what you have acquired all your life, your wisdom…and more importantly dont feel guilty when you are not able to help your brother…there is only so much you can do..life will open other doors for him…she found solace in my words..her eyes beamed at the idea of volunteering work..her eyes glowed when I appreciated her achievements and her life..

She asked me my name, I gave a brief intro..it was not about me anyway so I kept my description light.

I asked her name:   “PAM”

A photo I requested:  She denied, did not want to be logged anywhere.

“PAM I wish you a wonderful life” is all I said and moved on, she smiled at me.

That picture I took of myself to keep the memory of PAM, born to a Portuguese mother and an African father.